They were publicly whipped in their own community and had to flee. They were in love since they were young girls, and they got married in a Mahamaya temple in 1999. One of the most moving reports I have read is about Thingring Basumatary, a daily-wage labourer, and Roinathi Basumatary, a domestic help. There are Hindus, Muslims, Christians, Sikhs, and tribals. The idea that all the couples are Hindu is ludicrous. Today, newspapers report celebrity or upper-class same-sex weddings and keep declaring that these are the first ones in a particular state or city whereas, in fact, there have been earlier weddings of little-known couples in most of these places. The reason these small-town and rural, working-class and lower-middle-class couples are forgotten is that all of us, the English-educated, the media, and many activists and theorists, prefer to focus (positively or negatively) on the urban and the glamorous. These are the true pioneers (and often martyrs) of marriage equality, and Love’s Rite focuses on their stories because these couples are barely remembered.

They are mostly women but there are a few men as well. They include factory workers, farm labourers, nurses, fisherwomen, Hindus, Muslims, tribals and Dalits. Most of them did not know about any LGBT or feminist movement. The interesting thing is that most of the young couples from 1980 onwards, all over India, who have been getting married by religious rites or committing joint suicide, have been low-income and non-English speaking. This was before same-sex marriage was legal in any country. In 1987, the first such marriage in India was reported between two policewomen, Leela Namdeo and Urmila Srivastava. So also, same-sex couples all over the world have been getting married by religious and other ceremonies for centuries, and have been living as spouses. The state may recognize reality or it may not but reality persists. Nevertheless, these marriages took place. For example, before 1753, Jewish and Quaker marriages were not recognized in England, and before 1967, several states in the US did not recognize marriages between blacks and whites. However, particular communities did recognize these marriages.

Many governments in history have refused to recognize certain marriages. The book is going to be reissued this summer as Love’s Rite: Same-Sex Marriage in India, with a new cover, new preface and a list of all the same-sex couples I have been able to record, who either got married or committed joint suicide since 1980. In the book Love’s Rite: Same Sex Marriage in India and the West (2005) you wrote, “While state recognition is desirable, the state’s refusal to recognize a union as marriage does not mean that the union is not a marriage.” Please help us unpack that.

Love’s Rite by Ruth Vanita